Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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