haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
