Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
