is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
