I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
