this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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