I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
