dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i will never coherently bang her
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
