I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
