I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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