Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
