Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
