I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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