How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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