did you get engaged???
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
