God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Drunk is a universal language darling
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
