textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
