I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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