You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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