My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
