white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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