the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
