girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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