i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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