Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
