I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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