ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
