last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
