I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Im part way to drunk.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
