hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
