i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
