Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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