fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
my liver is dry heaving
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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