Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
