You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
