Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
