I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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