On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
