Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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