No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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