The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
