You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
and she was petting her beer can
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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