Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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