Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
