I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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