it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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