Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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