Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
