your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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