2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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