my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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