Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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