**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
