Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
